Is 6 too many? Why not?

Well, first, just to clarify, I am NOT having twins. I was just thinking about stuff. Second, this isn't church doctrine as far as I know, it's just my thoughts and opinions, so please keep that in mind while you read.

I was pondering on having children and how many, etc. It isn't a secret that I've always wanted SIX. I was alone a lot as a small child and I always wanted my kids to have siblings. I know there are some who can't have children and who can't have very many even if they would like to, I do not mean to offend you as I talk about this. I understand your thoughts and feelings, I have had them myself and dealt with that too. Anyway, I was pondering on my future children and the pre-existence. My thoughts wandered to "Saturday's Warrior". I thought about the last little girl waiting in heaven and hoping that her family wouldn't forget about her. The movie portrayed world's view on "mormons" as having an enormous amount of children.

I reflected on those spirits waiting in heaven and even the ones who have come to Earth. How spiritually strong they are, how privileged they are, and more. These spirits have received many blessings in the premortal life and one is to come into a goodly home. There are so many worthy, righteous souls ready to come into this life and, by however means they have arrived in your home (birth, adoption, etc.), they have earned the blessings and rights to be in a goodly home. I quickly did a spiritual check.

Is my home what I would consider "Privileged"? What makes a home "privileged or goodly"? Are the things that I am doing right? What can I work on? How do I treat my family?

Aside from feeling guilty because I have spent the majority of the time being sick, now I am feeling guilty because some of the so important small things are slipping through the cracks. I asked myself some more questions.

When I feel good, am I taking extra time with my children? When I feel sick, am I at least hugging and loving them? What are some things I am doing? Remember the sick times are what my body needs to care for one baby. Just because I am sick or laying down at times does not mean neglect. I think too much.

For a while now, I have been feeling that our children choose us. It is easy to think about myself choosing to come to my parents. They are incredible! It is harder for me to realize my children CHOSE to come to me. They chose to be a part of my family. What were they thinking? What did they see in me? What kind of potential do I have? I can always do better and I can show them why they chose me! What is it specifically I do to love you and meet your needs? One thing is never enough. I have been honored to be a mother. Loving your children is easy. Showing, Acting, Doing are things that can be difficult, especially during trials or changing times. Remember: My children deserve to come to a privileged home, they chose me (us). I (we) can provide a righteous home for them.

In my home, I also had some thoughts about marriage and going through life changes: keeping open communication, having the same family goals spiritually, growing together, etc. I know in the beginning, we generally have the same goals in mind, but sometimes the end results are lonely. In that case, I would have asked the same questions about a privileged home. We can only do what we can, the Lord is there to make up the rest if we have faith in him.

Does this mean I think everyone should stay married and have a gazillion kids? Of course! Wouldn't that be wonderful? I know the trials and blessings in this life do not allow that for everyone. I just was so excited to share with you what I felt about having a lot of kids. I didn't really mean to go off onto a tangent about the other things. So here's one more personal belief and we will leave it at that. How many children to have in your family is between husband, wife, and Heavenly Father. He will advocate for the children yet to come. You can decide together what you can handle.