Mommy's Moment of Thought

I am blogging this just for me, so I don't forget. :)

Jeeps, Jina, and I were on our way to the doctor this morning. Jina decided she wanted to watch a movie and we were only a few miles away. "Can you see the temple?", I asked her trying to avoid the movie stuff. She looked desperately for a few moments. From a distance it is small, she was quite excited as the temple got bigger and bigger.

"You and Daddy got married there," said Jina. (it is quite common to have this discussion as we pass the temple. "....and I was there too," she added.
I replied, "when Daddy and I were sealed in the temple, you were in Heaven."
"I was there. I've been in there before, and you were there too. Me and You have been there before. I have been there with you."

I had no response, but instead thought about the times when I have been in the temple and felt the presence of a spirit who would be coming to our family. Although I can not decipher which child's spirit I have felt when, I do know they were preparing to come to our family. What a wonderful moment for me to reflect on today.

My Biggest Decision Ever!

The answer to the biggest decision I ever made was the inner most desire of my heart. The struggle came from the outward, worldly desires and pressures. Why would anyone struggle against their own desires? I am thankful for a Father in Heaven who loves and knows me.

Lately a couple of people have said to me, "What a good Mommy you are." (well it could have just been my mom a few times) This is such a wonderful compliment and still I immediately think of all the things I ever do; bad and good, but mostly bad. I think I heard the phrase before conference to inspire the thinking and again yesterday to inspire the post. During General Conference the things that really stood out to me were about families, moreover the protection and teaching aspects. Even when President Uchtdorf talked about time, trials and the things that matter most. I felt really strongly about these precious children and the time we have with them.

It sure makes you feel the hustle and bustle of today's society when you think about that. I just felt the Holy Ghost reassure me "it's okay that my kids aren't involved in every good available activity." The most important time is what we have at home. During those times are when we become linked, knit, woven together. If you don't know, Josh and I had decided that our kids could do one extra activity starting at age 5 (provided the money is available) So far, it turns out Jax and Boo each have one thing one night a week for one hour. This is so wonderful!! I can say I know that football may cause a kink in the chain. My kids have never said to me "why can't I play Soccer or baseball when the city leagues come around, maybe because they've never been involved? But I, Me, the MOM, do sometimes get jealous of other families being so involved. What a stupid thing to be jealous over! It is at those moments I have that peaceful feeling "all is well". I wasn't even thinking about all that stuff when I started writing this, I guess sometimes things just come out anyway. ;)

Subject change for two seconds.... People always ask, "how do you like your house?" I usually say things like, "we love the space" or "my kids are in heaven", occasionally I will say, "we love the space it's bigger than what we had, but it isn't a huge house." Seriously like people can't hear the hint of negativity in there. I am sure at this point they are thinking, "Is she really complaining after where she was living before?" The thing is, I wanted a NEW Bigger 3000+ sq.ft. home. Really, I waited for that long can't I just have something newer. Keep in mind as you read that this was a purely internal struggle. I know that this home has been a HUGE HUGE blessing for my family. I seriously did not understand how it would feel. It feels like those times in your life when blessings are being poured down on you. (if you haven't had this before, you should take another look and count your blessings.) So I recognized the problem and addressed it in my prayers a day or two ago. My answer went something like this:

I was reflecting on my mom's comments from last night, "You are such a good mommy!" I thought there are things we give up to have something better. One of the biggest things I ever had to give up was a job. Working outside the home to help pay for things. There are so many things I loved about working. To name a few

• Way more organized
• Everything I did was for myself
• sometimes it was to improve my mind and potential
  
• sometimes it was simple tasks like keeping my own area clean (not 6 peoples areas)
• I was able to have adult conversation
• If I ran out of money, there was more coming in soon

I could list a lot of things that I really liked. When the decision to "quit" was discussed it was not light conversation. At the time I was having baby #2, we had been married 6 years, and had grown accustomed to a two person income. I had always wanted to be a stay at home mom and thought that would happen right away. When I had baby #1, I had to go back to work to make ends meet in our home. We had done it for so long that cutting off an entire income just wouldn't work. I went back part time 20 hours, then gradually that 20 became 25, and 25 hours became 30, and I kept picking up more. Why not? I was a good employee and I had the time. It was still a hard decision, even though it had been discussed and my husband was supportive, I had a rough time making the choice. The Prophets have counseled us on this subject and I knew what I felt was right. I really felt like Heavenly Father wanted to give me this blessing of staying home with my young children. He knows me! He knew then, and now, what the deepest desires of my heart were, are. With this choice to give up my job and additional income, I also gave up luxuries that cost money.

I chose to be with my kids over extra curricular activities, extra frivolous items, and extra sq. ft. on my house. (that makes my house sound small, it is the perfect size for our family.) I didn't realize at that point 5 1/2 years ago how much my kids would need me at home and how much the world is changing. 6 years ago, not everyone had cell phones, cell phones were just taking pictures and I don't think texting was very popular. That is just the phones, what does that say about the other advances in our lives, TV, music, internet, Satan's new temptations. This is WITHIN MY KIDS TIME! AHHH! Because I am home I can help my children with their homework, I do have the time for them to read to me, and to sit and listen, I do have the time to spend with each one individually on things they are struggling with, I do have the time to research on how to be a better mother, I do have the time for them. (even when I am sick in bed). I do have the time to throw together a last minute family home evening lesson, even when that means not doing the dishes for the night. I do have the time! Procrastination is a harsh temptation, but I try to remember I have the time. I also know that my kids are still young and little. As they get older and can make choices on their own opportunities, my time will be less and less. It is important to make the most of it.

So, that was that. I don't know if I even circled around to a point or not?

I want to say I know that some women have to work. I do realize your feelings and don't mean to hurt them. My own mother is the bread-winner in our home and my Dad works too. It is how their family works. My intentions for talking about this are always for the person who is struggling with the decision to quit work to be home with your family. I can't say I don't look back or there aren't times that I think about going back to a job, but I can say at those times I feel the Holy Ghost so very strongly reminding me how strong and powerful the spirit testified to me it was the right thing to do. I remember those feelings, I remember the spirit, I can not deny that. I really think Josh has the same types of internal feelings because if I mention to him, maybe I should find a job, he ALWAYS has a very firm "NO".

I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

Pampered Chef

I should also mention I am a consultant for The Pampered Chef and I can make a little extra money. I have made a commitment to never work this so much that it feels like a "job". When things start to get too busy, I usually back off pretty good. Lately I have enough stuff to do I haven't felt any pressure. ;)

Is 6 too many? Why not?

Well, first, just to clarify, I am NOT having twins. I was just thinking about stuff. Second, this isn't church doctrine as far as I know, it's just my thoughts and opinions, so please keep that in mind while you read.

I was pondering on having children and how many, etc. It isn't a secret that I've always wanted SIX. I was alone a lot as a small child and I always wanted my kids to have siblings. I know there are some who can't have children and who can't have very many even if they would like to, I do not mean to offend you as I talk about this. I understand your thoughts and feelings, I have had them myself and dealt with that too. Anyway, I was pondering on my future children and the pre-existence. My thoughts wandered to "Saturday's Warrior". I thought about the last little girl waiting in heaven and hoping that her family wouldn't forget about her. The movie portrayed world's view on "mormons" as having an enormous amount of children.

I reflected on those spirits waiting in heaven and even the ones who have come to Earth. How spiritually strong they are, how privileged they are, and more. These spirits have received many blessings in the premortal life and one is to come into a goodly home. There are so many worthy, righteous souls ready to come into this life and, by however means they have arrived in your home (birth, adoption, etc.), they have earned the blessings and rights to be in a goodly home. I quickly did a spiritual check.

Is my home what I would consider "Privileged"? What makes a home "privileged or goodly"? Are the things that I am doing right? What can I work on? How do I treat my family?

Aside from feeling guilty because I have spent the majority of the time being sick, now I am feeling guilty because some of the so important small things are slipping through the cracks. I asked myself some more questions.

When I feel good, am I taking extra time with my children? When I feel sick, am I at least hugging and loving them? What are some things I am doing? Remember the sick times are what my body needs to care for one baby. Just because I am sick or laying down at times does not mean neglect. I think too much.

For a while now, I have been feeling that our children choose us. It is easy to think about myself choosing to come to my parents. They are incredible! It is harder for me to realize my children CHOSE to come to me. They chose to be a part of my family. What were they thinking? What did they see in me? What kind of potential do I have? I can always do better and I can show them why they chose me! What is it specifically I do to love you and meet your needs? One thing is never enough. I have been honored to be a mother. Loving your children is easy. Showing, Acting, Doing are things that can be difficult, especially during trials or changing times. Remember: My children deserve to come to a privileged home, they chose me (us). I (we) can provide a righteous home for them.

In my home, I also had some thoughts about marriage and going through life changes: keeping open communication, having the same family goals spiritually, growing together, etc. I know in the beginning, we generally have the same goals in mind, but sometimes the end results are lonely. In that case, I would have asked the same questions about a privileged home. We can only do what we can, the Lord is there to make up the rest if we have faith in him.

Does this mean I think everyone should stay married and have a gazillion kids? Of course! Wouldn't that be wonderful? I know the trials and blessings in this life do not allow that for everyone. I just was so excited to share with you what I felt about having a lot of kids. I didn't really mean to go off onto a tangent about the other things. So here's one more personal belief and we will leave it at that. How many children to have in your family is between husband, wife, and Heavenly Father. He will advocate for the children yet to come. You can decide together what you can handle.

Most Favorite Precious Moments

Here's One:

Last Friday, Josh had told the kids they needed to sleep in so we could actually sleep in on Saturday morning. They were tried really hard to hang out down stairs, but when one came up, they all trickled in.

Most precious to me was the time Josh and I were still in bed with the children gathered around or on the bed. We just talked and smiled softly. There was no nagging, no whining, no lecturing. I don't even know what we talked about. We shared the most precious thing, family love and bonding. It was genuine and so very special. The kids were drawn to be there. In those moments, I felt as if I took the time to actually feel gratitude for my most precious things. I am thankful for my family.

I know when I can take those special moments and really feel gratitude, love, genuine, etc., I can feel the Gifts of God being poured upon me.

Here's To Good Days

All last week I was DREADING getting out of bed. I was getting soooo tired of exercising with no results. Every morning, I lay in bed talking myself into keep going. I told myself all of the great things, like yay! for 3% and feeling better, more energy, eating better, able to drink more water, and more energy. The list always comes back to feeling better with more energy. YES, I did tell myself this every SINGLE morning. I also tried to say well who needs energy. I decided I felt better on the inside when I exercised and I thought of my grandma saying, "Make yourself a Good Day!" So I guess if that is what is going to help me "make myself a good day, then I better stick with it." The nasty weight will come off sometime, but until then, I will "Make myself a Good Day" by starting it out right!

Well I am happy to say it works for me!

New Groove?

Well I can't say that I have found my "groove" but I can say I am feeling cheerful amidst whatever. I had talked with my mom about her reading in the scriptures a month or so ago. She was talking how Satan will "Seep" into our homes without our knowing. She likened it to computers and Internet. Things that can come into our homes so easily through these channels. In my life I have noticed a small seep and I want to share it with you as a warning, so you can be protected. I am completely embarrassed to say this, but I am happy so Whatever!

I was having some trouble with alcohol. Ha! Not doing it, but wanting to. It was bad enough that I didn't go on a business venture because I didn't want to be in that path of temptation. I didn't feel I could trust my "natural man" tendencies to avoid the substance. And among other things I was just plain sad, almost like a depression. I was still plugging though my daily duties and trials just fine. Because of certain circumstances, we haven't had a temple recommend for quite a while. They came due around the same time as the baby, and we were here and there and holidays and excuse excuse excuse. Anyway we finally got our recommends that that very night I was elated! I feel incredibly happy. I still have the same daily struggles. Not much seems to get accomplished. I am having headaches. I have sick kids (one or the other), and I don't feel like I can go out much. But I feel happy, it's kind of cheezy! And we did attend the temple to boot! :D

Anyway, I think Satan was seeping into me and I wasn't fully protected. Even if I was not able to attend the temple, the blessings of a recommend holder are bountiful. I wasn't even going to post this, but when that little nagging doesn't go away, I've learned that those promptings are meant for someone. :D I hope you all can find those little "seeps" and protect yourselves, home, and families. I love you all!!!

Showing Compassion

Well, this isn't my story, but it has changed how I "try" to view other people and situations. So I changed the name, but if you recognize it and want the post deleted just let me know. and I may not have all the minor details right.

This all happened in a few brief moments while sitting at "the" (one and only) stop light in Ephraim. Ann was sitting in her car as the second vehicle in line waiting at the stop light. When the light turned green the car in front of Ann did not move. She was waiting patiently for the person in the vehicle to move. Thinking they just weren't paying attention. The car behind Ann started honking. Can you believe it HONKING! in EPHRAIM! nobody honks in Ephraim, that is just plain RUDE! So Ann turned around and gave the driver behind her a dirty look. How could this driver be so inconsiderate, after all the person in the front car probably just forgot.
* * *
A couple days later at the local market, a man came up to Ann. She recognized that she knew him. He proceeded to apologize for honking that day on the street, and then told her that his wife was in labor and they were on their way to the hospital. The car in the front was just sitting there, and he didn't know what to do. A honk would get the attention of the driver so they could all be on their way.

So Ann was showing complete compassion for the driver in front of her, but she was not even thinking of the driver behind her. I think this is so easy. It is so easy to be understanding of the person who is struggling with addictions or the wife whose husband is cheating on her. It is not as easy to be understanding of the woman who seems to have it all together. We expect that woman to be able to do everything. For the addict, the person who is struggling, or even the one who is constantly letting us down, we can be understanding or "we just expect that from them", but when it comes to the loyal one who seems to have a happy life and always be there to help. We sometimes forget that he/she is having challenges too. We are quick to judge in the way we think they should act.

Anyway, I hope I haven't offended anyone. I feel like I have always tried to look at all views of things, but I have really taken this story to heart and have tried to look behind me as well. Sometimes when people are so understanding and I am not, I have taken offense to what they say. Probably because I have felt guilty for my own feelings. I did not want to make anyone feel angry at me. I just wanted to share my new views. :)

Grandma's Toe

I am so thankful for Gramma's toe. I am telling this story without her knowledge, and it maybe removed if Gramma so chooses. :-)

I am thankful that during Gramma's baptism her big toe was poking out of the water, not only once, but twice. Although she went through a little bit of embarrassment, her three dunk experience has helped me and now Jaxon understand the meaning of immersion. I am also thankful that I subbed in a primary class a couple of weeks ago where the lesson was on Baptism and I recalled this information before I confused Jaxon trying to explain immersion with my pregnant brain.

Jaxon is giving a talk in Primary this week and one line he says is, "You need to go all the way under the water, even your big toe. That is called emershun." As of yet, he doesn't go into detail about Gramma. Jaxon chose his topic on his own. (He did not choose any of my ideas! I don't think this is going to change. :) He has prepared a great talk in his own words. We are so very proud of Jaxon. With a birthday to boot, he is growing up in every way.

We love you!

Conference was AWESOME!!!

I absolutely loved conference!!!! The speakers were so wonderful and truly aided me in feeling the spirit of righteousness and truth. I truly felt blessed as my family and I participated with conference. There have been times when we "had plans" or something on Saturday and have DVR ed or TiVoed conference to watch it later. It seems like Josh and I were "on the same page" without ever talking of it. We both wanted to sit and watch conference and enjoy the blessings of the spirit with those other members all over the world. It was truly amazing. We still gave each other gentle reminders that we shouldn't play games while watching conference, and when we listen to the music our spirit is edified and uplifted and ready for the next experience. Many great and encouraging things were said. NOT to discourage any of you that may have recorded the event to watch later. Please watch it and feel of the love that comes from Heavenly Father as his disciples gives us counsel, guidance, and reassurance. If you didn't get the chance to record it you can go to http://www.lds.org/ and download things. :) The internet is awesome!!!! Jaxon just knows you can get anything on the internet!!!!



One of my favorite talks was about laughing at things. I did a digipage on this a while ago, and I am really working on this concept of being slow to anger.
If you are interested in reading the journaling, you can go here: MomChallenge

Well....it is Monday and I really need to, you know, do "Mom" things. :) I just wanted to let you know we caught the Spirit this weekend at the Sharp Home!!! Loves to you all.